Current:Home > ScamsTikTokers swear the bird test can reveal if a relationship will last. Psychologists agree. -ApexWealth
TikTokers swear the bird test can reveal if a relationship will last. Psychologists agree.
View
Date:2025-04-11 12:49:13
TikTokers say they've discovered the secret to predicting whether a couple will last or eventually breakup − and psychologists say they're actually onto something.
It's called the bird test, and it's the subject of research conducted by psychologist John Gottman of The Gottman Institute, an organization dedicated to investigating the psychology of relationships. Videos tagged #birdtest have accumulated more than 16 million views with users testing the theory on their significant others.
The test involves getting excited about something insignificant and seeing how your partner reacts. For instance, if you look out the window and exclaim, "Wow, that's a beautiful bird," does your partner look to see what you're interested in or do they ignore it and go about their business? Or worse: Do they lash out and dismiss your enthusiasm entirely?
Repeated reactions that involve ignoring or flat-out rejecting your attempts to connect, even over something small like a bird, doesn't bode well for the future of the relationship, the bird test posits.
Gary Brown, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says there's a lot of truth to it.
"The beauty of the bird test is, basically ... it's a bid to ask whoever you're with to turn towards you and engage with you and show interest in something that you're interested in, versus what (Gottman) calls turning away," he says.
Is the bird test reliable?
The purpose of the bird test is to see how often your partner picks up on bids you offer them in your relationship. Brown describes a bid as "a request to engage and to connect with the other, no matter what the topic is," such as an invitation to look at a bird.
In his research, Gottman found couples who stayed together and reported feeling happy in their relationships turned toward each other about 86% of the time when presented a bid from their partner. Couples who broke up or felt unhappy in their relationships turned toward each other only about 33% of the time, according to The Gottman Institute's website.
David and Victoria Beckhamand how to (maybe) tell if your partner is in love with you
Bids may seem small, but they happen frequently, so it's important not to ignore them.
"Throughout the day, we're often making these bids right?" licensed psychotherapist Marni Feuerman says. "It's not unusual to say, 'Hey, do you want to have dinner now? Do you want to go on a walk? Oh, look at this cool Netflix show.' How is your partner responding and reacting?"
Several TikTokers have put their partners to the bird test, including former "Bachelorette" star Michelle Young, who practically jumped for joy when her significant other stopped to look out the window when she said she saw a cardinal. Gottman himself has endorsed the trend on TikTok as well.
What if the bird test goes wrong?
Don't panic if your partner fails a bird test.
Brown says that, if you're going to employ the bird test, make sure it's not during a time when your partner is occupied.
"If you're in a relationship and you are wanting to look at a bird, but it's the seventh game of the World Series for your partner, and your partner may say, 'I can't turn towards you now,' ... that doesn't mean that the relationship is doomed," Brown says.
Also, it's more important to see how your partner responds to you over time, so don't write them off if they fail a single bird test.
"Make those bids a few times over the course of a couple days," Feuerman says. "Look for the pattern. So, if consistently the partner ignores, doesn't respond, the bid isn't tuned into, then yes, I would say someone could reasonably discern 'I might have an issue here' or there might be a problem."
And if there is an issue, talk it out − and keep in mind no one is going to pass the bird test every time.
"People are going to miss bids on occasion, and so it's not about people getting worried or panicked that they're missing some, because you will. We all will," Feuerman says. "We're human."
veryGood! (17961)
Related
- IRS recovers $4.7 billion in back taxes and braces for cuts with Trump and GOP in power
- Arkansas Supreme Court says new DNA testing can be sought in ‘West Memphis 3' case
- Ryan Reynolds Makes Rare Comment About His and Blake Lively's Daughter James
- Dubai flooding hobbles major airport's operations as historic weather event brings torrential rains to UAE
- Off the Grid: Sally breaks down USA TODAY's daily crossword puzzle, Triathlon
- Looking to stash some cash? These places offer the highest interest rates and lowest fees.
- Two arrested in 'draining' scheme involving 4,100 tampered gift cards: What to know about the scam
- Man granted parole for his role in the 2001 stabbing deaths of 2 Dartmouth College professors
- Israel lets Palestinians go back to northern Gaza for first time in over a year as cease
- Olivia Munn Shares How Her Double Mastectomy Journey Impacted Son Malcolm
Ranking
- Man can't find second winning lottery ticket, sues over $394 million jackpot, lawsuit says
- Psst! There’s a Lilly Pulitzer Collection at Pottery Barn Teen and We’re Obsessed With the Tropical Vibes
- Walmart's Flash Deals End Tomorrow: Run to Score a $1,300 Laptop for $290 & More Insane Savings Up to 78%
- Biden administration moves to make conservation an equal to industry on US lands
- Off the Grid: Sally breaks down USA TODAY's daily crossword puzzle, Triathlon
- Rapper GloRilla arrested in Georgia for an alleged DUI, failing to do breathalyzer
- Ashanti and Nelly are engaged and expecting their first child together
- Tech has rewired our kids' brains, a new book says. Can we undo the damage?
Recommendation
See you latte: Starbucks plans to cut 30% of its menu
Ashanti and Nelly Are Engaged: How Their Rekindled Romance Became More Than Just a Dream
Republicans file lawsuit challenging Evers’s partial vetoes to literacy bill
First major attempts to regulate AI face headwinds from all sides
Nearly 400 USAID contract employees laid off in wake of Trump's 'stop work' order
Days-long eruption of Indonesia's Ruang volcano forces hundreds to evacuate as sky fills with red ash
Tech has rewired our kids' brains, a new book says. Can we undo the damage?
Lawsuit filed over new Kentucky law aimed at curbing youth vaping